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Length: 2:32:22
Guests: TURbo, Chris Ott, Kori
Intro: Sebastian songs of the RA Crew
Content Covered
- COD Advanced Warfare
- Reading childrens books in super small print
- Smash Bros
- Some anime Parasite
- Beat Saboteur
Notable Facts
- First appearance of TURbo and Chris Ott
- Matt talks about the banana hammock panic again
- RA skyscraper has a pants metal dectector.
- TURbo teases MAGfest gift to Mitch
Funny Stories and Quotes
Alex
- Kori are you on the sidelines?
- Kori -Yes.
- Alex (whispers) bitch.
- TURbo its been years trying to get you on the show.
- Matt - I thought he refused.
- TURbo - You said I could only come on the podcast if I used some tongue when I kissed your asshole.
- Matt - That's true.
- TURbo - This was way back in 2011.
- Matt - We're great.
- Mitch - TURbo is our scribe.
- Alex - Motherfucker has a bandolier of quills.
- Alex - This is the future you chose. Can't eat cereal. You are the founder and sole editor of the RA Wiki. Will you change it to Giant Fucking Sellout Wiki?
- TURbo - When I get the money.
- You're retarded and your getting paid to be retarded.
- Matt - That's the dream.
- Mitch - Then we will be Game Grumps.
- The Wiki cheers us up and prevents us from committing suicide.
- Mitch - You'll jang yourself outside a children's hospital.
- Kori get down on all 4's. (Mother Brain voice)
- Kori - Oh you guys.
- Matt - Is her other brain black?
- Alex - Mother Blain.
- What's the process of Wiki content?
- TURbo - When there is enough mentions it can be its own page.
- Matt - My cock and balls.
- Hi Kori. You're a real pretty girl. You should do movies.
- Kori - Stop. Stop!
- Looking at RA 99 where Mitch says "What is this show but a miserable pile of quotes."
- He's horrifying!
- Matt - So Asian!
- Lee is too cool, and Bron is so dapper.
- Why does Kori date you?
- Mitch - I don't know she fell into my lap.
- Confirmed. Crazy Head is Jew. Prince is a Jew.
- Matt - Really?
- Alex - No.
- Matt - Black people mistake me for Jewish all the time. As in two
- I'm not circumsized but I bet TURbo already knew that.
- TURbo - You mentioned it on episode 1.
- Matt - I want the foreskin of Alex to attack to my penis, tie it, then make a net to trip people.
- Mom's spaghetti is Matt's dick.
- Thank you Hitler.
- Chris - Words to live by.
- We're the target demographic. We won't die. Bring on the motorcycles.
- I will get the flu and kill kids with my face.
- Welcome to the show TURbo and Chris Ott want to make your claims on vaccinations on the Random Assault podcast?
- TURbo - I i i i i edit aaa wiki.
- Kori - He didn't get vaccinated.
- Alex - Flutits. I'm going to look up tits with the flu.
- I'm just saying. Alex didn't get to blow a dog.
- TURbo - You can have a new story with all the animals you want.
- Alex -Yay!
- When you have time on your hands take a hammer, beat your genitals and then you go on the internet and that's a videogame.
- You can't live anywhere in the world without someone checking your bags.
Matt
- (Mitch) Fuck ass. Stop we might get popular.
- Alex - Game Grumps!
- Banana Hammock Panic is a game.
- Alex - I don't believe you but I wish it was true.
- Matt- You wish it was true.
- Don't take my word for it. Go fuck yourself.
- Little Tubby TURbo.
- Alex - I'm seeing it with my eyes. It burns!
- Mitch - TURbo praise us more. You're the only one.
- I hit random page, and I got Kori.
- Mitch - She has a page?
- Kori - You fucking white people disgust me.
- Matt - If I was on tumblr I would agree with you. Put it on the gravestone.
- Make fun of me Alex when you don't torrent.
- Alex - I go to the drive thru and download torrents with my eyeballs. (goes Irish accents)
- Matt -What the fuck?
- Alex - You should go to Netflix Drive Thru Theater and watch Wreck it Ralph with Christna.
- I play Wii U on toilet like crack on lineoleum.
- When you eat Matt's dick do you use fork and spoon?
- She filled Arthur's ass to the top. It's blurry and I can't read it.
- Oh yeah he had flash cards to eat because he was retarded.
- I blame Jim Carrey for autism deaths. (Kori rebuttals)
- Celebrities have a responsibility.
- They started... oh my god.... Fuck me harder in the ass.
- Blow a dog for 1 minute or a homeless man for 10?
- Alex - What the fuck is going on?
- Mitch - Like Heavy Rain only good.
- I promise we are worse in person.
Mitch
- Thank God. Finally killed himself.
- Kori died. I killed her. (She wouldn't turn off her phone so he turned off her life)
- No mail for Mitchell. I didn't know it would be prophetic with my life.
- (Biggest lie ever told) I don't watch a lot of anime
- Hitler likes to paint does that mean I killed 6 million Jews.
- Alex, TURbo, Matt, Chris - Yeah.
- TURbo - He had bigger art projects.
- I will slime your teacher with Matt's cum.
- Matt - I've been saving it for years. It's fermented under my bed.
TURbo
- We were playing COD Advanced Warfare on XB1.
- Matt -Why?
- Chris - Second mission is a tutorial mission.
- Mitch - Is that the mission where you pee on the guys grave?
- TURbo - After you pee on the grave you play the tutorial mission twice.
- You pee on Kevin Spacey's dead son.
- Matt - I know John Travolta has a real dead son. Ric Flair has a real dead son.
- Chris - Stallone has a real dead son.
- Matt - True
- The Top 10 games of all time or 30 for Kate.
- Matt you're wrong. Dredd is 2012. Total Recall was 2011. You are not qualified to talk about time.
- Matt - I'm old.
- Kori - I'm old.
- I'm going to MAGfest and I'll bring gifts. Especially for you Mitch.
- Mitch - Oh Christ. A late birthday present.
- Alex - Please let it be his unbirth. Being suffortive.
Chris
- Sounds like an anime cliche.
- Matt - Mitch is anime.
- Sonic Colors. The game plays itself. I keep hitting the A button to win.
- Mitch - It's a great game.
- Kori - Whhhhyyyyy?!?!?!? How do you feel about latex Mitchell.
- Mitch - Very very good. God that butt is staring at me.
- Alex - The first character Mitch picked in Smash was Sonic.
- Chris - I use the auto lock on and I get killed.
- TURbo - Did you work on the cutscenes in Sonic Colors?
- Mitch - Yes. You know my secret.
- Matt - I'm Mitch I'm a huge Sonic faggot.
- TURbo - Sounds like Sonic Team only made half of the game anyway.
- Chris - I'm trolling you. Sonic Colors is good.
- TURbo - I thought you weren't a faggot.
- Alex - Surprise!
Kori
- I don't trust anything the government gives for free.
- If you have a felony you shouldn't have kids.
- Alex - Wrongfully accused balls off!
- You know my secret.
- Mitch - You always wear thongs.
- Kori - No! I'm the ant.
- Alex - It looks like Mitch drew her.
- (slaps Mitch stomach)
- Mitch Oww!