Closing Song: Jan Hammer - Crockett Theme Vice City
Content Covered: Zelda Most favorite Zelda? Least favorite Zelda? Most disappointing Zelda? Favorite Zelda character? Actual sausage segment Madden Gifs
David is on so horror movies and TV shows
Notable Facts: 26:30 Random Assault speaks to the people at PAX East at the Westin Lobby
- Alex - What a bunch of assholes I'm at PAX.
- Willy - Hello Matt. I hate you, I love you.
- Alex - Dave is on the show without me. What an assholeface.
- Willy - Dave I hate you. I'm so Matt right now.
- TURbo - I drank 16 bonus sodas fuck Dave.
- Alex - Hi Kate I love you.
- Kate - Really?
- Alex - I want to fondle your breasts and meet you. I'm glad I could fuck up the show.
Funny Stories and Quotes Kate
- Matt listening to you talk you never left the 90's.
- Milo all he is there for is to swing his big fat spread legs in front of your face so you can smell his balls until you find a sword and shield.
- Matt - I like this version of the story.
- The thing about comic books is that I don't like to buy them. David did it because he was retarded.
- My sword was limp and I had to jerk it off.
- You're a flip flopper like one of those liberals.
- Dave - No I'm not
- Too many people confuse weird and wrong. I don't know where people lost their balls but they need to find them.
- CM Punk is a faggot because he is a wrestler.
- That's gay.
- Metal Gear Revengence makes me mad.
- Dave and Mitch - It's awesome!
- MGS 2 Kojima was right about the internet.
- World War 2 is the last war people feel good about.
- In my head. Rhymen Hymen Flippy Floppy Bitches.
- I deal with enough fucking Indians in one day. I don't need another one.
- You fell for my trap and got a dick stuck in your butt.
- Who's the comedian that speaks like the character who looks like Homestuck?
- Fuck reading. Reading is for gaybos.
- Alex opened the airlock. (The origin of Random Assault in space)
- It's not being a Jew, it's saving for the future.
- Mitch - You're turning into Dadslapper.
- Matt - Let's jump off and crack open our beards.
- Stop talking about Zelda.
- Dave - Fuck you.
- Matt - Richard is the Majoras Mask King.
- Dave - No he's not fuck him and fuck you.
- Spirit Tracks was the I can't buy Zelda games anymore.
- I love that shit. I want her to spin on my dick. Furries ain't got shit on me.
- Mitch - Add that to the gravestone Furries ain't got shit on me.
- Matt - Jay yiffs me to death.
- The biggest thing I wop out is Italian Saussage.
- Kori is the most racist.
- Kate - Her skin is dark.
- George Takei is a dickhead for trying to get reparations from the Japanese Internment camps.
- I will never forgive the Japanese fuck George Takei.
- When canon is followed does it trigger you and make you feel oppressed?
- Kate - Yes.
- Mitch - Kate is Canon-Kin.
- Dave - I hate you Mitch.
- Matt - My prostate is being oppressed.
- Mitch - I'm a special snowflake.
- Dave - Shut up Mitch.
- Are you telling me Hitler's 2nd in command was a shape shifting Jew?
- I was going to bring up my manifesto on how we would be justified dropping the 3rd atomic bomb on Japan.
- I work with really old people any my insults are fuck you you piece of shit go get heart cancer.
- Matt - Oh no. That's so rude.
- Mitch - It's easy to make Matt sad. Isis dangling from a telephone pole.
- Matt - Nooooo.
- Motion contrls were well implemented in Skyward Sword.
- Kate - Does anyone want to fuck my ass with an enormous cock with cactus spines in it? Motion controls are not good.
- Who's buying 3 Kingdoms?
- Matt - Jim Sterling buys all of them.
- How was Dragonball Z bullshit? Find out on the next segment of Random Assault.
- Want to talk about convoluted let's talk about the Mario timeline.
- First anime he mentioned was Homestuck. (Oh no.)
- Kate I think you need to meet more people.
- Do you know what you should read?
- Matt - The Bible.
- Mitch Shut the fuck up.
- Dynasty Warriors is equal to Earth Defense Force.
- Why are you talking to Jayson?
- Matt - I like him.
- Kate - You hang out with a tranny, but a furry is too much?
- David - It's not right fucking anthropomorphized. Furries are fucking weird. It's not right. You can jerk off to anything.
- Matt - I know. I freaked out at the fursuit and sunglasses. Furries, Mitch you are related to one.
- David - The gas leak at a fur convention. If you laughed you are a good person. Don't tell me I'm wrong for thinking fucked up shit is weird.
- Matt - I feel the same way about homosexuals.
- If you victimize yourself. Go fuck yourself.
- Matt - No, furries should burn in hell. Forever. JAYSON.
- Speak ill of Robin Williams?
- Matt - Fuck Robin Williams.
- It's Kingdom Hearts the story doesn't make any sense.
- Matt - I hate the word Interquel so fucking much.