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List of puns or jokes Mitch said that bombed, and the other people on Random Assault telling Mitch how bad it was.

  • Episode 6 Mitch - If comedy had a boner I would so kill it.
  • Episode 15 Alex (Mitch) I don't know who you are, but you're already ruining a joke. (First time Mitch was told to STFU)
  • Episode 16 Kate - I played Mercenaries 2. Mitch "Oh no you didn't" (Did it 3 times)
  • Episode 19 Mitch - I've seen a diamond ring, I heard a dragon sing Kate "Shut the fuck up!"
  • Episode 21 Mitch - You know what takes a long time to load? Your mom! Ha ha ha! Matt .....wow
  • Episode 23 Alex - Mitch you take pride in not being funny. Kate - You fucked up!
  • Episode 23 Alex -It's hard to make a telephone call without a phone. It's hard to be funny when you're Mitch.
  • Episode 26 Mitch - So what have you've been playing this week? Alex & Kate "Shut the fuck up!"
  • Episode 26 Mitch - I'm a failed clone of Mr. Caffeine.
  • Episode 26 Mitch - We have as many episodes as there are letters in the alphabet. Kate "That is very uninteresting."
  • Episode 26 Kate - At least I'm not stupid, blonde, loud, annoying, glasses with no nose, and no friends.
  • Episode 26 Alex - Take a Mitch joke, intended to be funny, but not.
  • Episode 30 Alex - Why does Mitch ruin everything including life?
  • Episode 30 Kate - Really Mitch, you are going to give me lectures on how to be annoying?
  • Episode 30 Mitch - What is the rule 34 of the Traveling Pants?
  • Episode 52 Kate - You are a pussy Mitch.
  • Episode 53 Mitch - It's a joke you have to wait for later. Matt - Like most of your jokes.
  • Episode 53 Matt - Hold on Mitch, you couldn't stop talking?
  • Episode 54 Kate - Oh my its a cast full of Mitchs's
  • Episode 61 Kate - Infamous came out before Assassins Creed II. Mitch is wrong. Matt -That's what the internet is for. Mitch is wrong.
  • Episode 62 Matt - Mitch, what are you? A MADtv sketch?
  • Episode 67 Mitch - Naming all the games he owns.
  • Episode 69 Matt - First of all, I'm going to stop you from using real talk at all.
  • Episode 71 Mitch - One step closer to the break, and its about to break.
  • Episode 77 Mitch - It drains in the opposite direction? TMK - Your jokes sucks, fuck you! Alex - Even the guests understand.
  • Episode 81 Matt - If it was a dumb reference it would have come out of Mitch's mouth.
  • Episode 83 Alex - If you donate a mummy we can replace Mitch.
  • Episode 92  Mitch - The perfect comeback but 2 hours late. Kate "So you."
  • Episode 106 Matt - What is a fan? Mitch - I thing that spends around really fast.
  • Episode 107 Mitch - (Low based joke of dinosaurs that made everyone on the episode groan)
  • Episode 110 Kate - You can write for Family Guy with your material.
  • Episode 112 Mitch - We're here, we're fags. Alex "Damn it you ruin everything."
  • Episode 119 Mitch - Heard about the new Wu-Tang album? Alex "I already brought it up in 116"
  • Episode 125 Alex - Mitch is our GPS of comedy. Matt  "To show us what not to do."
  • Episode 127 Kate - (Mitch) I love you but. Alex "You are the little engine that couldn't be more fucking annoying."
  • Episode 136 Alex - Mitch thinks a shirt is good if it has wacky jokes on it. Mitch (high pitch unsure) Fuck you (goes on explanation to self vindicate faggot behavior)
  • Episode 142 Mitch - I want that on your gravestone. Matt - We care about you but not what you have to say.
  • Episode 144 Mitch - I was going to say something that wasn't boring as shit. Matt - That's not true. When you open your mouth it's boring as shit.
  • Episode 144 Mitch - It's not whether you win or lose but if you get raped. Nothing. Okay
  • Episode 144 Mitch - Remember when I use to go around and fucking joke gay babies while shooting Lesbian Mexicans in the mouth with a shotgun? Kate - Uh uh. Okay. (Picturing massive disinterest and eye rolling)
  • Episode 153 Matt- (Why is Mitch's face a thing?) God's cruel joke on us all.
  • Episode 154 Mitch - There's a difference between being funny and a clown laughting stuck in a rotating funhouse. Nothing? Nothing? Alex - Nothing Mitch fuck you!
  • Episode 155 Mentions anime again Mela - Shut up Mitch! Mentions more anime Mela - Shut up Mitch! (2nd time) Everything is ruined because Mitch sucks.
  • Episode 160 Mitch - Did it taste like applesauce? Kate - I'm not answering your fucking stupidity Mitch. You keep talking with your face.
  • Episode 160 Mitch - You got bukkak'ed Matt - I'm glad Mitch said it so I didn't have to. Alex - You had sense
  • Episode 160 Kate - I can't believe you're getting away with opening your fucking mouth in public. Know your fucking place you fucking shitfuck.
  • Episode 160 Alex - I'm sure Mitch is wrong and that's good.
  • Episode 164 Mitch - Everyone knows space laserblasts can't melt steel beams. Matt - You're a complete faggot Mitch. Like 100% you win.
  • Episode 165 Kate - Mitch if you're going to tell a story being handed shit by someone you don't actually know or meet and I don't believe you I can tell a story about nothing.
  • Episode 166 Matt - If you could go back in time and kill any race what race would it be? Kate - It would be the race Mitch is.
  • Episode 167 Mitch - I saw some people die. Alex - So you didn't see anyone die.
  • Episode 167 Kate - You can tell the episodes where Mitch is in heat.
  • Episode 167 - Matt No you asked us what we thought then Mitch says a bunch of retard Jap words in a row.
  • Episode 168 Mitch - What realm is this? Matt - Earth Realm stupid.
  • Episode 169 Mitch - I said the big xbox controller has a giant X that does nothing and takes up space and she(Kori) said just like your dick.
  • Episode 170 Kate - Mitch is pretty much a girl.
  • Episode 171 Mitch - My girlfriend said I was retarded. Alex - I agree with her. Matt - I agree.
  • Episode 173 Mitch - Bad lesbian joke. Alex - that's the sound of a joke crashing so hard shrapnel is in my eyes. Nick - Don't take responsibility for Mitch's jokes.
  • Episode 173 Nick - The 90's was a bad time for most things. Alex - Yeah look at Mitch's face for hellsake.
  • Episode 176 Matt - Here's Mitch to save the fucking day. He isn't saying anything.
  • Episode 177 Mitch - I can't words how the description happens so people don't think things in their brain happens. Matt - Stop talking. Alex -This is why the tagline of the show is SHUT THE FUCK UP MITCH (13:00-13:13)
  • Episode 177 Alex - I do not like you Mitch. I do not like your words. I do not like how your brain functions and works and coincides with your mouth.